A few weeks ago I opened and read the letter but I had a super important meeting the next day that could quickly counteract every word I had written. So I waited. I filled with hope and before long, I had to take that letter back out and read it to myself. The tears stream down my face still every time I look at it but those words led me to make a decision that changed my life. I wanted to share the words in my letter because perhaps you need to hear them too. Or maybe you are at a place you need to write yourself a letter. Or read one. Either way, the irony in so many pieces of this is unreal so here's what I had to say.....
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2/26/18
Dear Maile,
You are going through it right now! It's been yet ANOTHER hard year in the classroom. You are trying to mend your heart from watching one of your sweet littles leave in an ambulance. You wish you could stop replaying the THUD sound of his body hitting the ground. You KNOW this job is taking a toll on you. I know you love "your kids" but we need to talk...
You switch what you are doing every 2-3 years and you keep wondering why. Perhaps you keep "hoping" for the perfect class, the "perfect" balance. I think you are starting to see that you are searching for a unicorn.... =/
In a year you may still be here or you may have moved on, but promise me this...read this on your 40th birthday. If you are still teaching and are not 100% happy RIGHT NOW, it it time to move on. II wrote this so you won't talk yourself out of it. And if you found your "unicorn", girl, stay and teach the shit out of that classroom!!!!!! Wherever your heart is right now, do it for you....NOW.
-39 Year Old Maile
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I swear I didn't even plan it because from February 5th and every day forward my brain could NOT stop thinking about this. I acknowledged the place I was in. I dug deep. I literally felt SICK putting the words on paper, but exactly ONE YEAR to the day of THAT letter, on 2/26/19, I wrote ANOTHER life changing letter, the one where I officially resigned from my teaching job. *sigh* And holy shit, just like that, my PASSION (the one that has consumed my mental health) will be coming to an end soon. I certainly didn't plan it this way. Usually I look forward to June to have the summer with my kids but this time come June, everything I have known for fifteen years will be coming to an end.
