Okay, I am having some serious procrastination issues with getting back into this whole "blogging" thing. Quite frankly, my brain has been on stuck mode and I have frozen in neutral on pretty much everything in life lately. I don't like it yet I am happy to report that I am taking positive steps forward!!
Here is how I decided to roughly force myself back into this whole thing. No picture because finding the perfect picture could easily become my excuse for not writing. I have journaled for as long as I can remember (called a "diary"when I started in early elementary school lol). In my excessive cleaning lately (because this is OBVIOUSLY what one does when they are on leave from work) I have uncovered old journals and old writing assignments from junior high and high school. This reminded me of how much I have always LOVED to write. I just stopped because wellll #lifehappened.
Back to my point, I just need to brain dump and I was going to grab a paper journal to start writing. Then I realized I would probably lose it (yet I've managed to save JUNIOR HIGH papers!!???). Right now, in addition to all of my strategies, I need writing as part of my therapy. So I need to just unload some thoughts an get my gears moving forward and theeeeeennnnnnnn worry about pretty well thought out and edited posts. (Btw, my "d' keeps sticking like a mo-fo so since I am writing fast and editing less, please keep this in mind if there appears to be any random missing letter "dee's" in this post. Muah.)
Transitions suck and I am having 8 bagillion emotions in this one I am in. This is probably the most ambiguous phase of my life EVER. Like hey Maile, here's some freedom but without discipline, I can tell you how quickly that "freedom" can turn into a waste of my time. I am currently working on myself and taking my days slow. Sleeping a bit more (thanks to med #2 added into my daily regimen) and hopefully on the road to crying less. The uncontrollable crying has been the worst. I've cried so much my ribs literally hurt.
I have a lot of emotions. Two days ago I was so sad I was done teaching. Yesterday I was fine with it after remembering some of the lame BS that comes with it. Today I am just tired AF. One day at a time I keep saying. You will get through this, I keep saying, because I KNOW that I will be fine. I am ready for a new chapter. One of peace. One free from daily panic attacks (I was literally like, WOAH, where the eff did YOU come from again so fast!??). I realize that I have needed freedom for so so so very long. I know all of these super weird emotions right now are just part of the process but I am so ready to actually feel the FREEDOM that I finally have.
But first, heal. (ooh found a photo!)
No comments:
Post a Comment